a note

  • May 18, 2009
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I’ve been so hesitant about my last post– writing it, taking it down, putting it back up. But there is so much value in telling the real stories of our lives(my mom loved it, so that counts for a lot). And I’ve been overwhelmed by the power of forgiveness and love these past few weeks. I can’t stop thinking about my garden. A flower garden is such an impractical thing– especially in Utah where our long winters and blazing summers give us only a few months of bloom– and yet it’s worth it to create something of beauty. I’ve neglected my garden in many ways for the past few springs and yet I am still reaping the benefits of bulbs I buried years ago. Every good thing we plant comes back to us.

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For quite some time I’ve wanted to quit my blog– I love writing and taking photos, but I worry far too much about what people think. So I’ve made a compromise with myself. I’m going to pretend this a private blog but leave it public. I may brag about my kids a little more, I’ll talk about our dream vacation this summer, and I’ll tell the story of my mother and her cancer and the incredible growth I see before us.

Perhaps it’s not clear in my last post, how much of our strained relationship was MY fault. That I’d built a wall around my heart and added bricks and height every year. And the simple sweet blow that shattered the entire wall. It’s made me brainstorm– who can I apologize to? who can I forgive? where can I show more love?

I wish I could make this simple. But I can’t; because life isn’t. And that’s the way it was always meant to be.

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May 15, 2009

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19 Comments

  1. Reply

    Julie P

    May 18, 2009

    I found your blog a couple months ago. I love your pictures, and really love your honesty.

  2. Reply

    Jeanelle

    May 18, 2009

    I love when I happen to check your blog immediately after you’ve posted. I also love the idea of posting whatever you want without fear. Like that Segullah post awhile back about wanting comments — I am working to not care about anyone else. And truly, you never get what you want from other people – you have to get it from yourself. So treat your blog as a love letter to your posterity, as a creative outlet, cheap therapy, whatever.

    You’re gonna be fine, you know that, don’t you??? xoxo

  3. Reply

    Kerry

    May 18, 2009

    Michelle, I love the new direction that you want to take your blog. I’m ready to read and listen. Ummmm . . . tell me more about this dream vacation. 😉

  4. Reply

    Kira

    May 18, 2009

    We are happy to hear anything from you. We love you…and the lovely pictures and heartfelt writing. You are wonderful.

  5. Reply

    Rockelle

    May 18, 2009

    Without your blog my day would be just awful….you are litterally the best photographer I have ever com across. AND…you writing always brings a tear, or smile, but so much emotion to my soul. Never quit. I think your amazing!!!!

  6. Reply

    Mel

    May 18, 2009

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful life and lessons that can be learned. Your words often times help me to stop and enjoy the simple things of life. Thank you!

  7. Reply

    Denise

    May 18, 2009

    That little girl of yours. HF knew you needed her. Keep on blogging. It’s a good journal.

  8. Reply

    Mama

    May 18, 2009

    So, I have an idea. Why don’t you treat your blog like a garden — it might be impractical, and sometimes you might neglect it or grow something that doesn’t quite bloom the way you thought — but no matter what, everything you plant has value, everything has potential to be beautiful, and it’s a garden for YOU, nobody else. Deal?

  9. Reply

    Kate

    May 18, 2009

    You are an amazing writer, photographer…etc… I love reading your blog- i may not always comment- but i am here reading and you are touching me…

  10. Reply

    seven smiles

    May 18, 2009

    Beautiful last two posts.
    Just this morning, my mother (and ours is a complicated relationship–I envy those whose aren’t…) left a comment on my blog about the “theme” of my blog being “Random Thoughts and Stories of a Mother (or Girl–I still think I am a girl…) Trying to Become.”

    I’ve been thinking about it all day.
    We are all just trying to become. Yes?

    The journey is what you make of it really. And each new experience and awareness is so very interesting. It is so wonderful that we can experience beautiful things at the same time we experience the painful ones.
    Best wishes for you and your mother.

  11. Reply

    mama fish

    May 18, 2009

    You don’t know me and I can’t remember how I found your blog. I have been reading and admiring your photography for a few months now. I’m not usually a commenter, but I just had to tell you how touching and close to home your post was for me. Don’t ever apoligize. You have the gift of words, that made my day brighter. Thank you. I am going to share your post with my mother. I love everything about your blog!

  12. Reply

    jennie w.

    May 18, 2009

    You can show more love to me. By buying me candy.

  13. Reply

    Jeanette

    May 18, 2009

    i absolutly love your blog! I am so glad that you have the courage to share with us all, your such a fabulous inspiration!

  14. Reply

    martha corinna

    May 18, 2009

    You are wonderful Michelle. I love your ability to be so genuine.

    You’ve given me some things to think about.

  15. Reply

    tjhirst

    May 19, 2009

    Thank you for both posts. They are beautiful honest and candid. They are at the “heart” of what we’re often feeling but leave hidden in our private hearts. Thank you for your skills that beautify not only your garden but welcome us all in to cry and rejoice with you so we do not feel so alone in our gardens.

  16. Reply

    Claudia

    May 19, 2009

    If you can’t brag about your kids and tell about your awesome upcoming vacation on your own blog where can you!? This is a place where it can and should be all about you and your life adventures. It’s true, you are an amazing writer and photographer. Your wisdom and example inspire so many! But, if you don’t feel safe sharing then I think you should close shop and start fresh.

  17. Reply

    Jill

    May 19, 2009

    Love love love these last two posts. Each of them resonate with me. I will be watching your journey with your mother having just lost my father to cancer and finding forgiveness and closure before his death. Sending you my love.

  18. Reply

    Chelle

    May 20, 2009

    So brave. And so beautiful.

    love you.

  19. Reply

    m_and_m

    May 21, 2009

    I love you, girl.

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