peace

  • Jun 22, 2009

Once again I’m in the airport waiting for a delayed flight– a 7 hour delay. It will, in fact, be 9 hours from the time my brother dropped us off at the airport until we take off this afternoon. I’ve spent more time in airports in the last ten days than in the last ten years and every flight has been delayed or missed. But today I’m fine, happy, peaceful.

Mary was so anxious this morning as we stood in the long line to check in and then the next line for security, “I’m tired! I’m thirsty! We’re going to miss our flight!” I explained over and over that there would be plenty of time today for rest and drinks but she couldn’t be consoled.

What does seven hours mean to her? What does “all in good time” mean to me? God has often reassured me, “Things will work out. It’s going to be fine.” And still, I fret and worry.

I’m not worried today. The past week has revealed so many miracles to me that I can’t help but sit back and think, “This is a good delay; we’ll find something beautiful in it.”

And I did get a little miracle– as we were walking to our gate, searching for a drink and preparing to camp out for the day, my dad and my sister’s family passed us on the concourse on their way to their flight back to San Diego. We kissed and hugged and explained our delay; and my dad motioned to the Delta Crown Room which we were standing directly in front of.

So we’re settled on plush chairs with free snacks and drinks and internet access (hurray!). Gabe is reading, Mary is coloring, and I of course, am writing. Mama is right, I can’t neglect my blog for long, and I can’t see my life clearly without writing about it. I plan to write a book about all my recent experiences– it doesn’t ever need to see a publisher, but I need to record it all.

The last few days have been sweet and a bit silly. My dad, my brother and his kids, my sister’s family and Mary, Gabe and I have been under the same roof with my other brother’s family next door. We haven’t been in such close proximity since we were kids. We’re all so tired and weepy that we make mistakes left and right. I very calmly took off my socks the other day, walked into the bathroom, tossed them into the toilet and flushed (I caught them), my sister took her daughter birthday shopping at the mall and realized hours into the shopping trip that she was wearing slippers, the kids have been eating ridiculous amounts of cookies and ice cream because we forget to prepare meals. We penned nearly a hundred thank-you cards yesterday and found ourselves misspelling our own last name.

It’s so comforting to be close to family when you are mourning. We’re very gentle and enjoying the sweetness of knowing just how much we mean to each other. My brother Mike, who is just a year older than me, lives in my parent’s basement. He’s been struggling for many years (he said it’s OK to tell you that) and it’s wonderful to see the way he’s come back to himself and grown up and become a man that I not only love, but deeply admire.

My next story deserves a blog post of it’s own. But life moves too quickly to delay any good thing.

My brother Daniel came to the viewing— 24 years after he left home. I was a bit of a weepy mess that night but I couldn’t believe how perfectly ORDINARY it felt to see him. He’s grown up. He’s a man, and a sweet humble man at that. He’s lived all over the world and is now settled in Connecticut. Mike and I went to breakfast with him on Saturday morning and we talked and laughed over our veggie omelettes and decided to be a family again.


he looks fantastic– doesn’t he?

Life is beautiful.

June 19, 2009
July 7, 2009

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21 Comments

  1. Reply

    Mama

    June 22, 2009

    SQUEEEEEEE! So glad to hear from you, so glad to see a post titled “peace,” so good to see you smiling and with your brother!

    I am not a Mormon, but I love the idea of a gay Mormon. Go, Dan!

    Have a wonderful time, and say hello to Paris for me. I am with you in spirit, my friend.

  2. Reply

    Annie

    June 22, 2009

    Happy trails! Peaceful trails, at the very least πŸ™‚ Give Paris a big mwah from me too.

    So glad to hear so much mending and rejoining is happening.

  3. Reply

    Jeanelle

    June 22, 2009

    I’m sitting at my desk, reading and smiling and reading and smiling some more. My coworkers are going to ask me why I’m so happy…do I dare tell them why? That my friend I’ve never met but will soon has the most beautiful family and is doing better and is enjoying the jet-set lifestyle in the Crown Room??? Nah…

  4. Reply

    Tiffanie

    June 22, 2009

    Please don’t ever stop writing here. Your writings inspire me often.

  5. Reply

    martha corinna

    June 22, 2009

    I’m happy to hear your update, and so glad to know about your family and brother.

    Have so much fun Michelle!

  6. Reply

    Jennk

    June 22, 2009

    Reading this entry is the highlight of my day. You are a special woman and you have an equally special family. Keep on writing – for you and for all of us. Have a wonderful, peaceful time on your trip.

  7. Reply

    Linn

    June 22, 2009

    Never stop writing. I couldn’t bear it. You just made my day…no week…no month. Life is indeed beautiful. And you are amazing.

  8. Reply

    Tracy

    June 23, 2009

    So glad to see your post today. Reading your posts make me happy. You have a gift. Love the pic of your brother. Funerals can be such a time of healing and peace. Thinking about you. Enjoy your trip my dear.
    Much Love, Tracy πŸ™‚

  9. Reply

    Denise

    June 23, 2009

    My house is 10 minutes from the CT border. I will seek him out if you’d like (or if he’d like another cousin.) Can one have too much family?

  10. Reply

    Travelin'Oma

    June 23, 2009

    Even though it’s hard to lose a parent, I loved a feeling of being back in the family I grew up in. For just a few days my siblings and I kind of forgot our own families and came together to laugh and cry and remember. I’m so glad it’s happened that way for you, too.

  11. Reply

    Claudia

    June 23, 2009

    Oh so beautiful!

  12. Reply

    Jan Russell

    June 24, 2009

    I’m so happy to see a new post too! So many overwhelming, emotional experiences for you…I received one of those chain emails the other day and one of the quotes was “Time heals almost everything. Give time time.” It may have taken 24 years, but I’m glad you can reconcile with your brother. Wishing you lots of peace Michelle!

    …and of course a fabulous time in Europe! ENJOY it!!!

  13. Reply

    Kate

    June 24, 2009

    wow! I bet your mom is jumping for joy in heaven… how beautiful.. there really aren’t words…michelle, I think you should write a book about this journey.

  14. Reply

    Jess

    June 24, 2009

    What a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing it! πŸ™‚

    I must confess I’ve checked in nearly daily because I was just certain that your heart would be pulled and tugged to write and I so hoped that you would find your outlet here!

    Thank you for coming back and writing for me…okay, well for all of us!

    May your peace extend through your trip to Paris! Love you!

  15. Reply

    Linkous

    June 26, 2009

    I hope you got a crepe at our place this week! Erik said they had tried the wrong place…but Paris is wonderful and filled with millions of amazing places to eat, so I’m sure you were in heaven. I know you will have an even better trip, appreciating every single second even more, because of what you’ve experienced these last few months. We love you and continue to pray for you.

  16. Reply

    StubbyDog

    June 26, 2009

    Wow, just wonderful. Wonderful! I wish you more peace and a continued reconciliation with your brother.

  17. Reply

    jendoop

    June 27, 2009

    I’m sorry I haven’t been watching your blog more carefully. Your posts about your mom are sensitive and beautiful. So glad that you’ve found so much good in this difficult situation. When someone we love passes through the veil it seems that we get to peek through and get a glimpse of eternity.

  18. Reply

    Coach A.

    July 1, 2009

    I love how you said:

    “This is a good delay; we’ll find something beautiful in it.”

    What a great key to a happy life!…and by sharing it in your blog, you’ve shared a reason to smile with countless people.

    Thank you! xoxo πŸ™‚

  19. Reply

    fengfk2008

    July 2, 2009

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    July 3, 2009

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  21. Reply

    Andrea

    July 4, 2009

    You are such an inspiration. I am so sorry for the loss of your mom but what a legacy she has left behind. Hope you are enjoying every second of your vacation!

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