post script

  • Feb 18, 2011

Bless you, thank you for your kind words.

But from emails and texts, I’m afraid that I’ve alarmed some of you. I am doing well. I am coping– please don’t judge me. For me, part of healing is speaking the truth. I hurt every day; I’m happy every day. And the joy in my home usually far outweighs the pain.

More than once I’ve heard the complaint that my blog makes them depressed because my life is so charmed. I do have a happy little universe, but I also believe I have a talent for finding beauty in the ordinary. And it’s unfair for me to only show you the pretty, tidy parts of my world (though it’s somewhat unavoidable during birthday month). Yes, I’ll always write more about the joyful things in my life, but I want to share the pain too. And I want to know your hurts and joys, triumphs and sorrows– I’m not interested in surface relationships; I like to know whole people.

And so I’m a bit stuck– complaints when I talks about the happy and complaints when I reveal the sad. At least once a week I consider pulling the whole blog down.

As my friends and I entered high school we confessed how much we had struggled in junior high. We looked at one another and said, “Why didn’t we talk about our problems? We could have helped each other?”

I don’t want to get to the end of my life and say– “Why didn’t we talk about our problems? We could have helped each other?”

Several joyful events are on my horizon– Ben’s farewell, two miracle babies that I look forward to photographing, babysitting Kit and Kevin’s girls for a weekend, a quilt that I can scarcely wait to finish, Stefan’s birthday, a visit from my sister’s family… I also know there will also be hours in my closet when the pain is so harsh and deep that I gasp for breath.

And through it all, God will quietly bring forth His mighty work.

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February 17, 2011
February 20, 2011

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19 Comments

  1. Reply

    Dovie

    February 18, 2011

    Often I feel selfish eating up your experiences and rarely posting feedback. The beautiful and the lovely that you find in the everyday inspire me, to reach beyond my domestic triage or maybe just help me find beauty right in the middle of it all. The candid sharing of your pain schools and comforts me in a different ways. Please continue to share.

  2. Reply

    sarah

    February 19, 2011

    I also have been reading your blog for quite some time now, and I have never commented. I sincerely hope you continue to share your inspiring and candid moments with us. Not so much for me, that would be silly, but because I know as a mother, I would fiercly protect this beautiful blog which has become your family keepsake. Please know, that your honesty has most definitely helped someone, and that is most definitely all that matters. Prayers for peace for you.

  3. Reply

    Tracy

    February 19, 2011

    There is a blog I read that is complete joy and when I met her IRL I said to her “your blog makes me happy” and she responded “me too. It’s not that my life is always that happy, but I want my children to remember that we had a very happy life.” I visit her blog when I need only sunshine, but I don’t truly know who she is.

    There is a blog I read that depresses me – every post of hers is painful and sad – about herself, her children, her life. I ache for her and know I cannot go there daily as selfishly, I cannot bear it every day.

    There is a blog I read that gives me joy, makes me laugh, makes me cry sometimes. This blog let’s me truly inside her life, through this small window, and because she shares her life – I know her and I visit daily because though our blogs she’s become a true and valued friend that I will love forever. I love you.

    Don’t apologize or explain for sharing your joy or your pain. Don’t worry about opinions or emails or really, just crap. Just be you – be real – be trusting.

    And dammit, don’t ever take your blog down.
    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

  4. Reply

    Sara Jane

    February 19, 2011

    I’ve never felt that yours is a charmed life or perfect or wonderful. I enjoy the beauty that you share around you and your gratitude for what you have. Thanks so much for sharing.

  5. Reply

    Erica

    February 19, 2011

    along with everyone else i enjoy reading your blog every day. i love how the small things are such bright things in your life. i often times find myself thinking, “i totally want my boys to grow up like hers… she’s done so good!”
    but life is filled with the bright and the dark and i enjoy so much that you share both. because that IS life.
    thank you!

  6. Reply

    Lisa

    February 19, 2011

    Ummm…what Tracy said…dittto (I like a girl who states it like it is)! Your blog makes my day. Take the ordinary day on your blog and you turn it into magic, the difficult day into a sweet lesson, and the happiest day into a delightful read. Just love it here on “Scenes From The Wild”.

    xoxo Lisa

  7. Reply

    Jennifer

    February 19, 2011

    Michelle-

    I too have never commented and tonight it is time. I would be sad if you stopped writing on your blog (or made it private). I found you 1.5 years ago, when I was googling a quote from Marjorie Hinckley which you happened to have on your blog. I was immediately captivated, as it was just after your mother had passed away. The thoughts and feelings you shared were so real to me, and so healing, as we had just buried a son. And I was hurting. Still am I guess.

    I love your realness. I admire your testimony and the love and fun that you have within your family.

    This is a place I come when I need to feed my soul (and you pointed me towards Segullah) and you inspire me to be a better person.

    Know that someone out there in blog-land appreciates your time and loves your thoughts.

    Take tons of photos before Ben leaves. You can never have enough.

    Thank you for brightening my day.

    Jennifer

  8. Reply

    Mormon Women: Who We Are

    February 19, 2011

    I love you and I pray for you.

    I love how you capture the magic in life. But you should definitely feel that you can talk about your pain, too. And I’m glad when you’ll let yourself do that.

    I would be sad for so many reasons if you took down your blog, unless it was ever really the best thing for *you*. But for selfish reasons, I hope you don’t. 😉

    hugs.

  9. Reply

    michelle

    February 19, 2011

    That was supposed to be from my personal Google account…sorry.

  10. Reply

    Linn

    February 19, 2011

    Life is both joy and pain. That is precisely how we know our Father in Heaven loves us. And He does. More than our human selves can comprehend. I can honestly and truthfully say I am grateful for both. I could not be the person I told Him I would become without experiencing both of them.

    I adore you, Michelle.

  11. Reply

    Kira

    February 19, 2011

    I love your writing. I love your joy…and I love that your share your pain. Henry B. Eyering said something like, “treat everyone like their heart is breaking…because it probably is” (someday I will find the exact quote). I hope you find peace in your trials.

  12. Reply

    Trainer Momma

    February 19, 2011

    I think as women, particularly LDS women, we are compelled to portray only perfection. And with blogs, there’s even more of a tendency to do that. However, I’ve never felt that with your blog, Michelle. I feel like you have struck a harmonious balance and YES — you do have the skill to see beauty in the ordinary. And I love, love, love that you are willing to share that. I’ve been a lurker for quite a while now and appreciate so much your writing, photography, and your children. I felt like I knew some celebrities when I was ordering Christmas cards this year and saw several with all your kids on them! 🙂 Really, continue to do just what you are doing — writing what is already etched in your heart and in your soul. We all are better for it.

  13. Reply

    Selwyn

    February 20, 2011

    Oh, how I love you.

  14. Reply

    chococatania

    February 20, 2011

    I read your blog a lot, and I hope you decide to keep it up! I love how you don’t shy away from any subject – happy or sad. I also have become a better mother as I’ve read this blog. I can see that you do love the “little things” in life – not that your life is charmed.

    It’s funny, too, how I like this blog, because I’m so far away, and I don’t actually know you, but a lot of the time I wish you were just down the street (especially when it comes to throwing parties!).

    Of course, what you do with your blog is your choice, but I will miss it if it is gone.

  15. Reply

    Life Trekking Mama

    February 20, 2011

    You’re right. Life is about balance…we get some good; we get some bad. With God’s help, we keep it balanced and learn as we go. Your blog is a good way to share how a family does that as they create good memories and help each other (and others) through tough times.

    Love ya,
    Cuz’n
    A.

  16. Reply

    Rachelle

    February 21, 2011

    Your blog is such a special place to visit… your words & your photos are a delight always. Be encouraged, you are loved!

  17. Reply

    Jeanelle

    February 23, 2011

    I read this last week and then saved it to comment later…sorry for the delay. I have always felt that it’s your blog and you choose what you talk about. I would rather hear the good, the bad and the ugly rather than you pretend to be someone you’re not. (I’m not as good at blogging the bad/ugly things so I just don’t blog, thus, the 3 week hiatus from mine, currently.) Besides, I like to know when I need to pray extra hard for you so keep being who you are and I’ll try to be more open like you. Love you.

  18. Reply

    jenjamin

    February 24, 2011

    I think you are fantastic and honest and real and vulnerable and a beautiful being. I like “whole people” too and please never shut down your blog, your light shines too bright!

  19. Reply

    Malisa

    February 27, 2011

    I am guilty of once commenting that yours seemed to be a charmed life. However, it was NOT an accusation. Quite the opposite. It stems from a yearning to acquire some of your grace and passion. The way you write and those blasted beautiful pictures of yours reach deep down inside me. You really do have gift for finding beauty and truth, even in the midst of pain. It is apparant that you are a ‘whole’ woman and that makes you all the more magical in blogland.

    I have cut out almost all blog reading from my life. But I read yours because it feeds my soul.

    You, my dear, are quite remarkable.

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