Light and Dark

I’d like to crawl into my closet and just sob today.

Is that OK?

Will you still be my friend? I promise I’ll nice up again soon.

It’s been a downward spiral sort of weekend that has left me, both literally and figuratively, in chaos. You know that feeling, don’t you? You look around, everything is a complete mess and you have no idea when or where you’ll find the energy to clean it up.


And now it’s evening. The house is still a mess but Mary is laughing as she chases kitty around the kitchen, Gabriel is singing the new Taylor Swift song and Xander is building a cardboard fort in the pantry.

It’s hard to stay grumpy around here.

Ben turned to me after dinner and said, “Do you ever feel like you’re emotionally unstable?”

Hmm, yeah.

Ben- “I just think it’s amazing that I can feel so down one day and so happy the next. Everything is so GOOD today.”

So I think it’s normal. We go up, we go down. Life seems impossibly hard and then we gain a burst of energy to clean it up. Or a friend comes to pick up the debris and haul it out to the garbage. 😉

And the good days, the happy times, savor all the sweeter because we’ve tasted the dark.

October 19, 2008
October 21, 2008



  1. M

    October 21, 2008

    Hugs, Michelle.

    And again, gratitude for allowing your life to be messy on our behalf. –Emily

  2. Brooke

    October 21, 2008

    i’m sorry. i’m sending hugs too.

  3. Kevin

    October 21, 2008

    I’m sorry you are down, big sis!
    Remember what Pres. Monson said….to focus on the things that really matter. I too have had some frustrating days as of late but find my rays of sunshine and joy in my kids and knowing how blessed I am. YOu are an inspiration to so many and I hope that with all the joy and good advice you have given so many of us that we may be able to return the gift. We love you and miss you guys!
    Maybe some good French chocolate is the answer 🙂
    hugs Kev and the girls
    p.s the website looks sublime!

  4. Annie

    October 21, 2008

    Sending love…

    I hear you. I think sometimes I document the positive moments on my blog just to convince myself out of the darkness and to remind my naturally melancholy self that life is/can be good.

  5. twoelves

    October 21, 2008

    I think it’s comforting knowing we all have those days. It’s just nice that you are honest about it. I like blogs that show the sunshine and the rain – makes the whole thing seem a little more genuine. Love you! tat

  6. Cheryl

    October 21, 2008

    Amen. Oh, how much Amen!

    It is normal, and it’s also great to know it’s normal. One of the greatest things that happened to me over the weekend was finding out the “perfect family” I admired (and loathed) was not so perfect. Somehow, that just made me feel so much at ease! They were more like me than I realized.

  7. ashli

    October 21, 2008

    oh how very true!
    i’m grateful you are my friend.
    love you…..

  8. Denise

    October 21, 2008

    Wow, your closet is big enough to walk into? Blessed. I know someone you should go see on days like these. I know I would if I was closer. Here’s a hint: they live in the mouth of rock canyon. Here’s another: they are always happy to see you. Seriously, give em a call…or call me and I’ll talk you into it.

  9. Shannon & Eli

    October 21, 2008

    i had the exact same kind of day yesterday…and it ruly makes te good days good!

  10. Tracy

    October 21, 2008

    Big hugs, Michelle. We are all there – many times over.

  11. Claudia

    October 21, 2008

    I hope you realize what a ray of sunshine you are in the lives of so many. And you are right, it is okay to have down and dark days … that we may know to what source to look to for strength.

    I love you,

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