Driving home from Xander’s violin lesson I had a rather worried call from Hansie, “Where’s dad? Is he going to be home in time for my maturation program?” (Hans only knows my cell phone and has never bothered to memorize Erik’s.)
Strangely, Hans is excited for this night of all nights. At breakfast he asked what they would be talking about, “Ah, they’re just going to inform you that you are about to get stinkier and hair will soon start sprouting in strange places all over your body.”
So I called Erik. “But I can’t go! I have tennis tonight. I’ve been to so many of these that I have all the jokes memorized. Why don’t you go?” Whine. Whine. Whine.
“‘Cause I’m the mom. No boy wants to go to maturation night with his mom.”
“Fine. But I won’t go to Costco for you anymore.”
Now that’s a LOW blow. “Listen mister. Maybe you need to go to maturation night to learn that YOU are the reason we have so many boys. Do I need to explain the biology here?”
By this time I was parked in the garage and we compromised by flipping a coin. “Heads, you lose.” It truly was heads, but I fully admit that I would have lied if it had been tails.
Erik pulled in a few minutes later(with a car full of food from Costco). As he supervised the unloading of the car he asked Hans, “Don’t you think it would be fun to go with mom?”
“It’s the kind of thing you want to go to with another boy, dad.”
Erik–“Well, I can tell you everything you need to know in ten minutes.”
“But all my friends will be there. And you might forget something. I don’t want my friends to know more than me!”
Clearly Erik was getting desperate–“Hey Stefan! You want to go with Hans? They serve cookies and punch!”
“Dad. As you have so frequently reminded me; I am not a parent. If I can’t boss him around on a daily basis I am not going to this!”
So off they went. I hear they get free deodorant samples. And I get to stay home and write and make May-Day cupcakes.
5 boys, 1 princess– one day I’ll have to attend the dreaded maturation program but for now I’ll just wave them out the door.