Recently, Sammie told me that when a woman is pregnant, the part of her brain that senses danger increases by 800%. I feel like this one fact explains everything.
Studies have found that new mothers experience heightened activity in the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for processing fear and danger. This is considered an evolutionary adaptation to help mothers protect their vulnerable newborns.
That’s why, when our family goes on a walk, my daughters-in-law and I scan for cars, sharp rocks, and poisonous weeds while the men joke and laugh—throwing the kids high into the air like tiny human frisbees. When the little boys got obsessed with playing ping-pong in the basement, all we could see were those sharp corners of the ping-pong table at toddler height.
I’m not a frantic person or a safety nut by any means. My grandsons and I play wild games of chase and jump off the bed like we’re training for the toddler Olympics. Still, I’ve noticed the game takes on new levels of risk when Erik or the boys join in. They aren’t scanning for the vacuum cord or stray Lego that might trip someone up. They’re too busy inventing new ways to make the little boys yell with delight.
For years, Erik teased me about worrying too much, and I found it frustrating. It’s good to know I’ve been following a real biological response. A study published in Nature Neuroscience found that pregnancy leads to long-lasting changes in brain structure, particularly in areas involved in social cognition and threat detection.
Now, I don’t mean to suggest that dads and grandpas don’t care about their kids. Involved dads get an infusion of oxytocin—the “love hormone”—which enhances bonding but doesn’t make them nearly as vigilant.
Men are just not wired to spot danger like we mama bears are. And honestly, I’ve come to appreciate the wild, carefree play my husband brings even more with our grandchildren than I did when our kids were little. (Back then, I wasn’t sure if they’d survive his antics.)
And science backs his approach too: Rough-and-tumble play releases BDNF (a brain-growth hormone) in kids. Those heart-stopping flips and tackles? They’re building resilience, coordination, and trust—just like our vigilance builds safety. The magic happens in the balance.
So if you’re a mom or grandma who can’t stop worrying about every sharp corner, take heart. You’re not overprotective—you’re hardwired to keep your little ones safe. And when dad swoops in with his wild games and carefree energy, try to let go a little. Together, you’re giving your kids the perfect mix of protection and freedom.
