out of breath

I do a speed run on Thursday mornings. It’s just a usual run to the rest of the group but for me it’s an endurance test. More often than not I wimp out and run with the company of my ipod or on my beloved treadmill.

I’ve known some of these runners for fifteen years; we’ve been through all the usual ups and downs of life together, through injuries and victories and running slumps. I’m in a slump right now. I can do the miles but I can’t do the speed.

The first few miles are wonderful. I keep pace, chat with the group and feel like my old self. But around mile 2 or 3(today it was 1.5) I begin gasping for air. One moment we are running stride in stride, our collective breath forming a fog in the cold air, and the next moment they are 50 feet ahead, then 1oo and then I’m alone.

I force myself to keep a decent pace. The temptation is to slink off and find a shortcut back to my car. But I push myself, calling on unused muscles, trying desperately to keep the group in sight. It’s frustrating and humiliating, but I know I’ll never keep up if I don’t push myself.

By the time I came to the last mile today everyone was out of sight. But the sun was rising, I got a second wind and I felt fast and strong for just a few minutes.

My fabulous and savvy friend wants to partner with me in my business and make it grow. I know we could create a fabulous, profitable venture together. But I can’t do it. I’m already running as fast as I can. It’s time for me to drop a few pounds and responsibilities and add a few hours of sleep.

I want to feel like myself again. I want to be myself again.

February 28, 2008
March 2, 2008



  1. Jan Russell

    February 29, 2008

    Wow, I love this post, Michelle. You articulated the desperation I think we all feel sometimes, so beautifully.

  2. Melinda Curtis

    February 29, 2008

    I concur. Pushing yourself when no one is looking that is commitment. Good luck with your business, I saw the cutest pettidress on your website and had to add it to mine.

  3. Katie

    March 1, 2008

    Hey, at least you are out there running! Give yourself some credit. The running group I used to run with would get passed all of the time by yours!! (over achievers.. that is what I call you! He he!)

Comments are closed.