And it’s terrifying.
I have an entirely new respect for authors of even the slimmest novels because it’s just a crazy amount of work to write a full-length tome. As someone said, “It’s like summoning a mountain.”
And the writing isn’t the hardest part– it’s the voices in my head who keep saying, “Who are you to write this book?” “Do you really think you’re such an expert?” “Wow, can’t wait to read all the Amazon reviews trashing this chapter.”
I’ve been writing long enough and in enough venues to know those critics are alive and kicking at everything in sight. And I’ve watched enough friends write and publish books to know there’s no money in publishing anymore (one friend said, “I can’t afford to write another book right now.”). In fact, there’s a whole lot of stress and self-promotion and a HUGE invitation to the world– “Please criticize my every move!”
So why write? Because so many of you asked me to, because I have a thousand great ideas, because I think it will really help people, because
it’s the book I was born to write.
As little girls Ruth and I often talked about our similarities to the Bronte sisters. When our childhood home was torn down we wondered where our future fans would come to pay homage to our literary genius? I’ve mapped out and even half-written a dozen novels, but
I’m writing a parenting book.
The title is still up in the air, but the subtitle is something to the effect of “A Happier Guide to Raising Smart, Kind, Capable Kids” or “Raising Ridiculously Happy Kids With Love Instead of Rocket Science.”
Could I possibly paint a larger target on my back? When you write a novel, people might criticize your writing abilities, your characters, your morals, etc. but with a parenting book I am inviting criticism of EVERYTHING I DO. And you’d better believe the process of writing a parenting book is like tilling in the garden– you unearth all kinds of boulders you didn’t know were hiding just beneath the surface. In addition, I’ve turned down all kinds of paying work while working on this proposal, neglected projects and you should see the messes piling up in every corner of my house.
I’m ready to throw it all away and just enjoy my happy life. Because why keep going?
- Because I have so many good ideas to share– not in spite of my flaws, but because of them. Every chapter contains funny quotes and stories and dozens of helpful tips for parents.
- Because I have an amazing opportunity to get published if I can submit my proposal soon (and I’m going to remain a little hush-hush about that).
- And, because I feel driven on a spiritual level to finish this book (and no, it’s not a Mormon book in any way).
Here’s the truth: I NEED YOU.
When I write here, I pretend this blog exists only for my kids and my sister, but I read your emails, your comments; I look at the statistics (only occasionally, because the numbers kind of freak me out). I’ve met many of you in person. Together, we’ve created a safe haven where we understand each other, where I don’t have to apologize and explain (as much); where you know I haven’t ruined my kids lives by denying them smart phones. Even the Deseret News articles stress me out– which is why I haven’t submitted there for over a year. In this little oasis, I write and share what I like and I just assume you like me enough to keep reading– or not. But to write a book? To set myself up as an expert? It feels so arrogant.
Here’s the deal with the publishing world today– they want authors to have a platform, a base of readers and fans before they’ll consider a manuscript. And I’ve actually built myself another website just for that with an accompanying Facebook page and Instagram account. But…. when I write there, I’m stiff and boring and I think I’m trying to fit a mold that isn’t me.
So, after consulting with some brilliant minds, I’m coming back here to find my voice. After all, here’s the place I first started writing about parenting. I’m not going to start throwing ads at you or product reviews, but we are planning some podcasts and vlogs as well as keeping up a little better on the usual happenings. I hope to post twice a week rather than every two weeks. And if I write/vlog/record something worth sharing, please pass it on, but I won’t beg or plead. I’d rather never publish at all than turn this beautiful place into a marketing machine.
Here’s where I need your help:
- If you have a favorite story or insight from the blog, would you please email me or leave a note in the comments? In this new world of non-commenting it’s hard for me to know what resonates.
- Would you please share any topics you’d like to hear about on a vlog or podcast?
- If/When you see me do something really stupid on social media, will you please let me know? Gently. It’s impossible to keep up on all the rules of the brave new world and I’d love your help.
- In the same vein, when you see errors or stupidities on the blog, will you please let me know about it?
- Please let me know about any speaking/writing/interview opportunities. Oh how I hate to self-promote… but oh how I believe in kindness-centered parenting.
- Find me a publisher who won’t make me write the dreaded proposal. Kidding.
Phew. If I press ‘publish’ on this post I’m really putting myself out there. Do I dare? Do I trust you? Am I foolish?
Yes, yes and yes.
xoxo Love to you all.
Jane
Crap, you can’t get much money in the publishing business? Marrying rich here I come…
So cool that you’re writing this book! Esspecially before I have children. I can totally annotate it and know it backwards and forwards before I even have to do the having kids part.
And please post more, because I feel less guilty when I’m reading your blog and not doing homework than when I’m reading a book and not doing homework.
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Yeah, the no money in publishing is true unless you REALLY hit the big time. But writing makes us who we are, right? So it’s always worth it.
Monica
I have been a long time reader and have never commented and yet I have to tell you that I would LOVE to read a book that you are writing on parenting!!
I am a young mother of a set of twins (4) and an almost 2 year old. I have come to your site to be comforted and inspired and I have looked up to you for so long.
Count me in on reading and sharing this book!
Good luck!!!
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Monica! You should come to me for babysitting! You have your hands full. Thanks for your kind words.
Deborah
Michelle, I read your work because it inspires me in my own parenting of young adults and teenagers ages 14 to 24. I would love to read anything you write about parenting and hope to be able to pass your book on to my daughters when they become young moms. There are so many things I would have done differently. I would love to hear more about the traditions you create and how you have helped your adult children cope with depression and other challenges. I am so grateful you are going to be posting more frequently because I feel like I check this blog more than once a week in the hopes that something new will be here. Thank you so much for putting yourself out there. You are doing such an important work.
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Oh Deborah– thank you for your kind words! I’ll make sure to cover those topics. xoxo
Adri
Oh, Michelle! I’m so excited for your book. Do you accept speaking engagements out of town? I’d love to get you here in Colorado to teach a workshop!
Several months ago I felt inspired to share your corn story with the girl I visit taught. She was newly added to my route and I didn’t know her very well. It was Christmas time and I had a small bottle of fancy soap I thought I’d take her, but rather than the usual message I just felt I should share your story of overcoming anger. It was kind of bold of me, I think, since I barely knew her, but it felt right so I did it. She just broke down when I told her the story and handed her the soap with a little quote attached from Pres Monson about kindness. Then she proceeded to tell ME that right before I had come over she had lost it with her 2-year-old who had spilled soap all over the bathroom. We had a good laugh (and shed a few tears) about motherhood and how it can take you to the very edge. She was only in my ward for a couple more months, then she moved. But, just last week she emailed me and asked for the link to your story. She wanted to read it again, and remember again.
Thank you for putting yourself out there in an effort to share what you’ve learned. I learn so much from you and am so grateful for your wisdom and example! ❤❤
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Ha! The Corn Story must be told! I’m so glad it helped your friend. And I’d love to come to Colorado. Thanks for your constant support. xoxo
Jackie
I can’t even tell you how excited I was when I saw the title of this post! I will be the first in line to pre-order this book!
I love coming to this space because I always leave feeling encouraged, optimistic and confident that I CAN DO THIS MOM THING! You have such a wonderful way of presenting your parenting choices without coming off as judgmental. I know we don’t see the whole picture of your family life, but what I do see here gives me a family culture to shoot for.
Sending you so much love and all the good book-writing vibes you need!
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Oh Jackie, thanks for your vote of confidence! I appreciate it more than you know.
Amanda
I love hearing about your family dynamics. I followed you over from segullah when you talked about raising kids who cheer eachother on and cheer their friends on because we should delight in one another’s successes. It resonated with me and still does. I love your humility and thoughtfulness in raising kids. I was not aware of your smartphone rules and would LOVE to hear more about how you navigate electronics. I am three kids five and under (soon to be four kids five and under!) and want to help build a strong family with kids who are ready to tackle the world with grace and optimism. Something it looks like you are doing. Share some tips and secrets! And how you stay yourself through it all.
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Amanda, you’ve gone right to the very heart of it– family dynamics. And I’ll be sharing my thoughts on electronics (though some people will really hate it!). Thanks for your kind words.
Alli
I would love to read a book by you. I have no memory of how I found your blog but I’ve followed for 3 or 4 years…and maybe commented once. You are one of a couple bloggers who show me it’s not only ok but awesome to do things differently from what I see the mainstream telling me to do with my kids (7, 5 and 2). You’ve also made me believe I can change (after reading the story about corn or beans spilling everywhere I really gave yelled less!) and made me cherish my kids more.
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Oh Alli, thank you! xoxo
Erin
I’ve never commented before either, but I’ve been following your blog faithfully for years and I will ABSOLUTELY read any book you write. It would be impossible to calculate the insights, encouragement, and wisdom I’ve gleaned from your writings here and on Segullah. So, hurrah! Thanks for putting yourself out there.
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Thanks Erin, you make me think I might actually be able to write this thing!
Michelle
I’m still just sort of getting that you’re going to be publishing on the block more often 🙂 like Debra, I check here way too often. It’s one of the very few blogs I read anymore.
The reason I love your blog ( besides the fact that I love you 🙂 ) is because it oozes love. It oozes passion for your parenting, for your HOME–making, for your mothering. In a world where women are pulled out a bazillion different directions – and I know you are too – I know I can come here and feel re-centered and what matters most to me, which is my children. I love the way you celebrate teenagers!! That would be one of my biggest pieces of feedback is to let that ooze out of your pages.
Re: electronics – I think that you have given people permission to not just do what everyone else is doing just because. That is so important. My one request would be to be careful not to Inadvertently create an anti-electronics kind of mindset. Because, you know, in my work we’re trying to create a positive culture around using technology deliberately. Even though your kids haven’t had smart phones, they have had plenty of opportunities to learn to engage technology deliberately, and I think that is perhaps more important than anything. So my hope there would be to really focus on what you’ve done in your family culture to create a sense of responsibility and deliberateness around use of technology, even though they haven’t had smart phones.
I’m not convinced that moving forward not have a smart phones will be a smart thing as an absolute rule because they do live in a world where technology is their world. And I think we need to work together to help each other navigate this world as parents.
Again, I think what you have modeled is a deep and open relationship with and devotion to your kids versus parenting by control, monitoring, etc., which is often the approach people take When they approach technology with fear. I haven’t felt fear from you, I have felt deliberateness, and there is a huge difference.
In short, I think device versus no device is the wrong conversation… even though I think it’s important for people to know that it’s OK to not jump on the latest and greatest technology been barking all the time. I think relationship, family culture, constant communication, creativity and co-creation of a rich family life, exploration, education — these are the issues to talk about, and these are things that make you shine as a parent and a model for parents who care about helping raise their children well. You do that in a way that is so magical, and I love it.
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Michelle, my darling cheerleader, you should know your voice is already in my head and when it comes to electronics, “Only Siths deal in absolutes.” Love you. xoxo
Lesley
I’m a mother of 5 young kids (one girl, four boys) and I love when you offer parenting insights on this blog. I’m giddy at the prospect of reading distilled wisdom and experience in book form!
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Oh Lesley, you’re so kind! I’ll get it written just for you!
Emily C
Great news!
I’ve been reading here and at Segullah for years even though I’ve only commented a handful of times. Some of your posts I’ve loved enough to save include: Let’s Offer More Compassion to Teenagers, Perfect ACT/SAT Scores Don’t Guarantee Acceptance Letters, A Love Letter to My Daughters-in-Law, How to Ruin Your Relationship with Your Teenager, The Less I Do the Happier I Make My Family, Should’ve Had Another Baby, Raising Real Men: Mixed-up Media, Be Smart, and Kindness isn’t for Sissies; Sitting on the Bench…and there were more! I had to go back to look but yes, the corn story is yours and something that I’d guess you’re already planning to include to give hope to all!
I’m so grateful for what you’ve shared in the space and can’t wait to read more.
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Oh Emily, you make me realize I DO have a lot to say! Thank you! xoxo
Nancy
I have never commented, but ALWAYS look for and read your blog. Love your style and am amazed at the dynamic of your beautiful family. Already know I would be reading your book on parenting.
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Thank you! Thank you! xoxo
Christie
You were born to write this book. Looking forward eagerly to buying it and oh so happy and proud of you!!! Deep breaths. You got this.
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Love you Christie.
Laurel C.
If anyone should write a parenting book, it’s YOU! I have been reading your blog since I heard you speak a bit at the first [and only?] Segullah writer’s conference. You have amazing writing and parenting talents. So doing the math… I’d say you’re the perfect person to tap for this book. I’m glad to hear that someone else is intimidated with the proposal and writing process, though. I’m supposed to be writing a book about the history of the Grand Canyon’s North Rim, and I’m so frozen in my tracks with self doubt that I can’t even move toward the proposal stage. So I know what you’re saying, and I know those terrifying thoughts!
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Oh Laurel, you’re so kind. I can’t even remember what I said at that conference! It’s good to know I didn’t completely blow it! Thank you for your kind words and I promise to cheer you on too!
anita
Go for it! I love someone’s comment up there about I CAN DO THIS MOM THING!–that would make a catchy title. One of the parenting books I’ve loved has a great acronym where GEEKS stands for Genuine, Enthusiastic, Empowered Kids (https://www.amazon.com/Bringing-Up-Geeks-Childhood-Grow-Up-Too-Fast/dp/0425221563)– so wondering how to turn your subtitle into something like that:
SWAK oarenting (smart, willing, able kids)?
parenting HACKS (happy, absolutely capable, kind, smart)?
May your cursor move swiftly and your critiquers be gentle.
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Anita, I LOVE your ideas. Thank you! Bless you!
ellen patton
I can’t wait to get my autographed copy of your book! Write, Michelle, Write!!! heart ep
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Oh Ellen, you are the best cheerleader!
Kim
Michelle! This news made my day! I need your book right away! I have bookmarked a lot of your parenting writing, but my favorite is the two part piece about how to get your teenagers to hate you. So insightful. I love the positivity you bring to the parenting world. ❤️
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Love you Kim. Thank you.
Alicia J
This is so exciting! I’ve been following your blog for a few years and always appreciate your insight. I can only imagine how scary it is to put yourself out there for others to judge and criticize. Hopefully our comments will help you know you are supported and appreciated by many. I’ve been having a conversation about motherhood over and over again with my friends. I think the world, including our LDS community ( and myself included) have forgotten the influence and impact we can have as mothers. I love that your writing consistently reminds me that as a mother I have the opportunity to shape and nurture souls.
One thing I would love to see you cover is what you did to create a family different than the one you were raised in. I struggle with that sometimes. I have wonderful parents but we aren’t particularly close. I want something different for my family but am not even sure how to get there. I hope that makes sense.
Best of luck to you!
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Oh Alicia, your words DO help. This is such a scary thing to do and I’m so grateful for your support.
Heather
Michelle, I’ve never commented but have followed you since you wrote about Fifty Shades of Grey at Power of Moms. As a mom of four young boys and a baby girl, and I found it so encouraging and inspiring to read through your earlier posts, after seeing how great your kids turned out. It gave me something to aim for. The corn story is classic, and I’ve printed out How to Ruin Your Relationship with Your Teenager. You are so real about how messy/noisy/crazy/challenging raising kids is, yet your writing radiates with love, joy, grace, kindness, celebration of life, love of learning, and the importance of strong ties to family and community. I would love to read a parenting book written by you, go for it!
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Thank you Heather! I really appreciate your encouragement. I’m overwhelmed by these kind comments.
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Oh my, it looks like the corn story MUST be included. Thanks for all your kinds words. xoxo
Tasha
Hooray for us, your fans!! I check your blog too often as well! You write beautifully, and you love and kindness shine through.
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Thanks Tasha! xoxo
Jenny Hatch
Go for it!
Even though you prob dislike me for some rude comments, you are still my favorite mom blogger and I read everything you share.
I self published all of my E-books and while it is difficult to do my own marketing, every sale is pure profit and belongs to me alone.
I did all the work, so why share with a publisher or agent?
My favorite posts are the ones you write about the spiritual experiences you have with your children.
And the fierce tiger mom posts that let the world know you would crawl over glass to make certain your babies know you love them are also great.
All of the criticism I have had as a writer/blogger over the years has made me consider new ideas and frankly, into a better writer.
It is terrifying to go out on a limb with your own ideas and the blowback at times can be deadly, but I have no regrets.
You have such a way with words it would be a shame if you didn’t take the time to write for all the young couples just starting out.
Podcasting and vlogging are also crazy difficult, but I personally would LOVE to hear how you mothered when your children were babes and toddlers.
Your kids are all so smart and talented.
Jenny
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Jenny, I don’t think you could possibly pay me a higher compliment. Thank you, thank you. And I’m listening to all your suggestions. xoxo
Tamila Leychkis
Hello!!
I have been reading your blog for about 5 years. I absolutely love how you write (truthfully) about your family.
It would be interesting if you wrote about differences in raising boys and girls. Also how do you discipline kids and stick to the structure(Schedule) or not. How do you plan vacations with so many family members. How did you guide kids to pick colleges.
Thank you in advance. You are more than qualified to write several books.
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Hi Tamila– those are great questions! I’m writing them down. Thanks for your help. xoxo
Amara
I love the teenager post. Where you said that most teenagers you know are doing a great job handling complicated lives –that was something I needed to hear and remember often. I am so surprised what my teenagers are able to handle. I hesitate to add a commitment to their lives, then they take it on anyway. I still nag I’m afraid –the worry doesn’t leave –but thank you for those posts –something to shoot for: letting them deal and just being supportive.
Anyway, I don’t know if anyone else feels this way, but I love your pictures too so very much. There is so much light and life in them it helps me remember what family gatherings can possibly be–and to put a little more effort into family harmony.
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Oh Amara, thank you! You’re always so kind.
Janice
I have read your blog also for years. I have many favorites but I loved the story of Stephan and how he ‘got his miracle’. I also loved your story on Grace and the hard times after your mother died. My children are raised, but I still love your writing, family stories, and I love you and your family. You are a gift to the younger generation and I totally support that you are writing a book.
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Oh Janice, thank you. I’d forgotten to include some of those stories. Thanks for reminding me. xoxo
Gracielle Bassig
Hi Michelle! I’ve been following your blog since you were awarded Mother of the Year. I’m from the Philippines, and I love reading your posts because I realize that parenting is a universal topic and the principles are the same wherever in the world. Because of you, I introduced my children to good music, the classics. I’ve taught them Mary Poppins, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Sound of Music, even though it’s not very popular here. I also began to run a few months ago and your passion for running makes me feel less guilty about having time for myself. THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH. Please write a book 🙂 Go go go!
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Gracielle! I’m simply amazed by your love all the way from the Philippines! xoxo
Jeanelle
Okay first, WOW! Second, I didn’t read any of the other comments so if these are repeats, here are my random thoughts that popped into my head…things I remember from over the years that have impressed me or stuck with me: family traditions (i.e. conference legos), the ACT scores (even though your book isn’t a Mormon book so maybe the spiritual power at play here won’t be understood), supporting your kids in everything they do (music, friends, school – i.e. happily making 1000 cupcakes whenever necessary), making your home the place where teens want to come and hang out (because it’s filled with love, acceptance and really good food, as far as I can tell anyway!), making your friends your extended family when your family isn’t nearby or part of your life, encouraging a love of reading/literature, being brave about doing whatever necessary to help your kids shine & succeed (i.e. homeschooling Mary), and there are probably lots more but that’s what I’ve got so far. So proud of you!!
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Jeannelle, you’ve always cheered me on. Thank you, thank you. xoxo
nancy n.
hello! this entry does not come as a surprise because i’ve always thought you should write a book. heck, i’d be happy if you picked your favorite posts and compiled them into a book. i would love to have your wise words in a book format. while i do absolutely love your writing (it has a lullaby sort of rhythmic feel to it) i also adore your photos. they add so much to your entries.
you are just too talented!!!
when i found your blog, i knew it was a keeper and i have read (unless i accidentally skipped over a few) all of your posts. i read your blog like a novel. then i told some of my sisters about your blog and they quickly started reading too and we discuss you like we know you!
we are always in complete awe with your family and your words continue to lure us back. we love you because you keep it real while also showing the beauties of life and that everyday happenings should be treasured and appreciated. you truly have a gift.
i would do all i can to help promote your book(s). i have no doubt that it would be successful.
xo from montana
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Thank you Nancy! I’m hanging on to your words for the days (OK, every day!) when I think this is a crazy idea. Thank you, thank you. xoxo
Sarah Evans
I’ll have to answer your questions when I have more time. But for now I have to tell you, and I’m being 100% honest and serious: I check your blog almost everyday and with fewer posts showing up lately, I was just thinking yesterday, “I wish she would just write a book. She’s obviously doing something (ok, many somethings) right.” I have a friend who just had her fifth boy and before I formally introduced her to your blog, if a post came up in conversation I would refer to you as my-“friend”-I’ve-never-met-except-that-one-time-at-Dan’s and if that wasn’t enough to clarify I’d say, “you know? Five boys, one girl, all amazing?” And then she would know exactly who I was talking about.
mlehnardt8@msn.com
Oh Sarah, you’re so kind! Thank you!
Selwyn
I love you so much, and your bravery and your huge, incredible heart.
I’ll find some of the posts that have knocked me breathless, delighted and/or totally reassessing where I’m actually at with my parenting – the realities of it, not the unattainable ideal. They’re the posts I love most of yours, because of where I am, not because of where you are.
Can’t wait to read your brilliance!
tracy morrison
EEEEK!!! I cannot wait to read your book! I have always looked to you to find the happy, the real, the “how do I make it through the day with a 13 year old” questions. I love you and am here always to support you! xoxoxo
Laura Graham
Oh I am so beyond thrilled you’re writing a parenting book. I am grateful. Thats what I am. I will share, promote or do anything to help I am just so thrilled and thankful you are writing this!!
Rachel Williamson
Your family has inspired me for a long time. I’d love to read your book. Especially if you could provide insights into how you foster creativity with yourself and family. I admire that in all of you. Congrats!
Anne Marie
I am SO excited for you to write this book!! I value your wisdom and perspective so much. I have absolutely loved your insights on instilling kindness in our kids. Your thoughts on technology have been so valuable. I really appreciate your openness and your unconditional acceptance of everyone. You have a voice that we all need to hear! xox
Anne Marie
I really love the new website layout! It looks fantastic. And, one of my very favorite posts (and I love them all) was the one called “Do More of What Makes You Happy”. Very happy about this book!
Andrea
I’m so glad you are writing a parenting book. From reading your blog, I have gained courage to do things different than the norm and to really follow what I want for my kids. I remember a post about instagram and how your kids would just look at yours. And a post about not playing video games. It gave me the courage to get rid of game devices in my house. I also loved the post about the lonely year kids go through and how you used that to be with them and do family activities and that helped your kids become friends. Hurry and finish- I need help!! If you have any wisdom on single parenting, I’d love to hear that too.
Montserrat
HIP, HIP, HOORAY!! The world needs more access to your wise counsel and advice. Having happy adjusted teenagers begins with what was done when they were little. You have so much to offer. I can’t wait to read it!
Kit
I’m last to comment because I’m just catching up! But, I am thrilled with this news!!!! I’ve been learning from you for 20 years now and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. ❤️