I’ve been blind.
Today I taught Sunday School. And while I was preparing for it this week I began listing the divine attributes of Jesus Christ:
omniscient– all knowing
omnipotent– all powerful
It’s a familiar list, and you could certainly add to it, but as I wrote them down I realized that while I believe this is the nature of God; I hadn’t taken this knowledge into my heart.
Even as a little girl, I was full of faith. Always eager, ready to believe, happy to follow every guideline and bit of instruction.
But somewhere– in one of those foggy childbearing years– I lost my trust in God. I still led scripture group and taught Sunday School and wrote articles and instructed my children on the goodness of God- because I had complete faith that He lives- but the ugliness of life, the uncertainty and inequity of the world led me to question if God truly knew what he was doing.
Why do families have to starve while others struggle with obesity? Why can’t angels protect every child from pedophiles? Why do young fathers die of cancer and little sisters lose their legs in car accidents?
I know about miracles. I’ve seen them. But divine intervention in some cases only led me to wonder why they didn’t occur more often. And then, eight years ago, I found a question in my own life that formed a crack in my faith. It haunted me. Every few months the uncertainty returned and brought with it a bitterness that I despised in myself. I thought I’d conquered it, I thought I’d beat it back and then I looked down and realized that the tiny fissure had become a web of fractures– my faith was fragile, ready to shatter.
But as I surveyed my list and read the scriptures that accompanied each attribute, I had an intense and profound witness that these were more that words– this is a description of the God I worship. He is all-knowing, all-powerful, just, merciful and good. He IS aware of the sadness and sickness in the world and He has a plan– not just for the entire planet, or for the starving nations, but for the people I love and for you and for me.
Mercifully the jagged edges in my heart were healed and I knew, knew, that “things will work out. Things will work out.”
So on this Easter Sunday, I feel peace. My question is still unanswered, but I know that God is aware of me and has the power to enact change if it be His will. I am finally ready to follow the counsel: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
God knows what he is doing, He truly does.