I didn’t sleep last night. I went to bed completely exhausted but woke at midnight with my mind racing. I have too many to-do lists right now, too much going on… I did all the usual tricks– naming a fruit that begins with each letter of the alphabet,naming a junkfood for each letter of the alphabet, remembering my children’s births in detail(usually incredibly soporific)and finally getting out of bed to write down my lists and erase them from my mind. But nothing worked, so I got out of bed and just started stumbling around the house trying to get some work done. I was angry with myself the entire time because I knew how tired I would be today.

This morning my sleeplessness just seems silly– yes I have a lot to do– but it will all get done. It’s a good reminder that I need to empty out my life a bit more, say no more often and take time to be lazy.

Erik has been out of town this week and when he came home last night the kids were in heaven. It’s interesting how just a few days apart gives us a renewed appreciation for each other. As soon as he set down his bags Mary and Gabriel dragged him out to the trampoline to play. After jumping and several games off ring-around-the-rosy and ‘duck, duck, goose’ Erik collapsed on the couch. Mary stood right in front of him and instructed, “Now put your hands on my sides, now lift me up, now throw me in the air!” Giggle, scream. “Again! Daddy, again!”

When playing was over Mary announced sassily, “I slept in your bed last night Daddy!” I am a big wimp when Erik is gone and always let the little ones sleep with me. It saves me the hour-long stress of getting Mary to sleep and keeps my bed warm and cozy.

“Were you a good girl sleeping in my bed?”

“No, I was a bad girl.” We laughed at her honesty. She WAS a bad girl. She jumped and jumped over my tired body and laughed as I cowered under the covers. She went to the mudroom and found a large box. She hauled it onto the bed, hid inside and jumped out as Mary-in-the-box over and over. Finally, even Gabe had enough and we threatened to put her outside if she wouldn’t lay down and sleep.

We hauled the box back into the mudroom, snuggled down and turned out the lights. “I miss my sweetie daddy.” Mary said. So do I little girl, so do I.

October 22, 2007
October 30, 2007